Talk more, until you get what you want.

Imagine this, you’re looking for a new job, or a mentor or a partner for a business idea.

But you keep it quiet.

Then a month later you find out your friend’s cousin was hiring, your coworker knew the perfect recruiter, and your neighbor literally does the thing you’re trying to learn… but nobody told you, because nobody knew.

This is the problem with the popular advice “don’t tell people your goals.” It sounds wise and feels safe. It even has some research behind it.

But taken as a rule for life, it can backfire. There are people out there that can lend you a hand, but can’t help with what they don’t know that you want.

So the better question is not “should I tell people my goals?” It’s “what happens when I tell people my goals… and how do I do it in a way that helps me, not hurts me?”

Let’s explore my two cents digging up a few research and articles and what it actually says.

Why people say “don’t tell anyone”

A Medium article called “The Positive Fantasy Trap: Why It’s a Bad Idea to Tell People Your Goals” argues you shouldn’t share your goals because it can reduce motivation and give you a “premature reward.”

This idea did not come from nowhere.

Sometimes talking can feel like doing

There is a famous research paper often used to support this. In it, researchers found that when people’s identity-related intentions (example: “I’m going to become a lawyer”) were noticed by others, they sometimes worked less hard afterward. The paper suggests that social recognition can create a premature sense of already being that person, which reduces effort.

So yes I agree in some situations, sharing can lower effort.

But notice the details:

• The effect was strongest for identity related goals (goals tied to “who I am”).
• It depended on strong commitment to that identity goal.
• The mechanism is not “a curse” or superstition. It’s psychology. Recognition can feel like progress. Now, let’s look at the other side; the part many “stay quiet” articles ignore.

The hidden cost of staying silent: you lose support and opportunities

If nobody knows your goal, you might keep your motivation… but you also keep your world small.

And we now have strong evidence that sharing goals often helps, especially because it brings support.

A 2025 paper in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin looked at goal sharing across four longitudinal studies with 1,035 people. It found that when people told others about a personal goal, they tended to receive more support and show more effort, and in some studies they also made more progress.

Importantly, this was not only people who share goals are different kinds of people. In some studies, participants were assigned to share their goal, and later they still reported more support and that support was linked to more effort and progress.

This directly challenges the idea that “telling people your goals kills your motivation” as a universal rule.

Your network can’t open doors if you don’t give it a direction

A lot of success is not only hard work. It’s also:

• introductions
• information
• referrals
• timing
• “Hey, I know someone you should meet” That’s networking. And networking runs on people knowing what you want.

Telling the right person can increase follow-through

There’s also evidence that who you tell matters. A Journal of Applied Psychology paper (with four studies) found that when people’s goals were known by someone they saw as higher status, they showed higher goal commitment and better performance partly because they cared more about how that person would view them if they didn’t follow through.

To me this is psychology. When you tell someone you respect your goals, you try harder.

The real difference: goal bragging vs goal building

A lot of bad goal sharing looks like this:

• “Big announcement!”
• “Look at me!”
• “Cheer for me!”
• …and then nothing changes on Monday.

That kind of sharing can feed the fantasy trap.

But there is another type of sharing:

• “This is what I’m working toward.”
• “This is my next step.”
• “Can I ask you something?”
• “Do you know someone?”
• “Can you check in with me next week?” That kind of sharing is not “talking instead of doing”. It’s using people as part of your plan.

A simple rule that keeps you safe from the “fantasy trap”

If you remember only one thing, make it this:

Don’t share your goal for applause. Share your goal for help and action.

A few examples that I would like to share that comes handy in situations.

Career

• “I’m trying to move into data analysis this year. This month I’m building two projects for my portfolio. If you know anyone in that space, I’d love an intro or advice on what skills matter most.”

Business

• “I’m building a small online service for fitness coaches. This week I’m testing it with 3 people. Do you know anyone who might be willing to try it and give feedback?”

Health

• “I’m trying to run a 10K in 12 weeks. This week I’m running three times. Would you like to join me?” This is goal sharing that creates movement.

When you should be careful about sharing

Saying “tell everyone everything” is not smart either.

1. When you only want praise, not accountability If you notice you’re chasing the “good feeling,” pause. That’s the fantasy trap research warning you about.
2. When the audience is negative or unsafe If someone enjoys tearing you down, don’t give them your goals. By all means, judge people in your life. Choose supportive people.
3. When it’s confidential Some goals involve legal, financial, or work privacy. Be smart.
4. When you are not ready to act at all If you have zero next step, sharing can become daydreaming. Get one small action first.

The superstition to drop: “If I say it, it won’t happen”

There is no evidence that sharing a goal magically “jinxes” it.

So the essence is.

Don’t stay silent out of fear. Share your goals with purpose.

Because if you don’t speak about what you want, the world cannot respond.

Sources (further reading)

• https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31414830/
• https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/01461672251382271
• https://www.researchgate.net/publication/24354628_When_Intentions_Go_Public
• https://www.inc.com/melissa-chu/announcing-your-goals-makes-you-less-likely-to-ach.html
• https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1559827616638017
• https://www.researchgate.net/publication/43193998_Making_goal_pursuit_effective_Expectancy-dependent_goal_setting_and_planned_goal_striving
• https://medium.com/publishous/talking-about-your-goals-with-your-peers-reduces-the-probability-of-you-achieving-them-c119306214c5
• https://medium.com/swlh/the-positive-fantasy-trap-why-its-a-bad-idea-to-tell-people-your-goals-125bcd87eddc